Dozens and Dragons

carabao game

roleplaying a majestic filipino water buffalo

dozens

2025-03-05

CONTENTS

  1. INTRODUCTION
  2. WHAT IS A ROLEPLAYING GAME?
  3. MAKE A LIL GUY
  4. DOING STUFF
  5. GETTING STARTED
  6. AFTERWORD

INTRODUCTION

You are a majestic swamp water buffalo. Large, strong, beautiful. There is a man behind you in a small two-wheeled chariot flogging you with a whip, urging you forward down a muddy track. What do you do?

WHAT IS A ROLEPLAYING GAME?

A roleplaying game is when you MAKE A LIL GUY to go on adventures for you. Adventures can be, but are not limited to:

  1. Exploring,
  2. Doing smooches,
  3. Doing violence, or
  4. Just feeling things deeply.

In this particular game, your LI’L GUY is a water buffalo—specifically a Filipino swamp water buffalo called a carabao—who has a unique opportunity to deliver VENGEANCE and/or FORGIVENESS unto its oppressors.

To play you will need:

MAKE A LIL GUY

Here is everything you need to know to make a lil carabao guy!

  1. Add STAT MODIFIERS to each of your THREE STATS.

  2. FILL IN THE REST.

YOU HAVE THREE STATS

You have three stats that describe things that you are especially good, or maybe not so good at. They are: HORNS, MAJESTY, and WALLOW.

HORNS:
You have 2 sickle shaped horns that curve backward from your head. You are mighty and powerful and capable of impressive physical feats like running, leaping, gouging, and violence.
MAJESTY:
You are a large, majestic, beautiful creature who inspires awe. You are charismatic and can persuade, inspire, convince, and lead because of your towering beauty.
WALLOW:
Carabaos like to wallow in mudholes that they make with their horns. You thrive on aquatic plants and in times of flood will graze submerged, raising your head above the water and carrying quantities of edible plants. You are cool, placid, and serene. You bide your time. You are capable of smarts, cunning, sneaking, guile, planning, plotting, and deception.

STAT MODIFIERS

A stat modifier is a little bonus that you add to each of your stats.

Assign either +0, +1, or +2 to each of your three STATS. No repeats!

Now in the future when you see something like “Roll +WALLOW” you will roll your two dice and add them together and add the bonus you just assigned to WALLOW.

FILL IN THE REST

Choose a name for your carabao. Describe what they look like. Do cows have pronouns? They do now! Jot them down. Choose something they’re good at, and something they’re not so good at. Add any other details you want to make note of.

EXAMPLE CARABAO

NAME: Muddy Cade Gray Gil (she/her)

DESCRIPTION: A tall, beautiful carabao with large dark eyes and extra long horns. She is a cool slate gray color and has a long swishy black tail. She is a little embarrassed by the size of her feet, but is proud of her voice, and tends to act before thinking.

STATS: +2 HORNS +1 MAJESTY +0 WALLOW

DOING STUFF

To do stuff in this game, most of the time you just say you do it, and then it happens. That’s the power of make believe!

But there are some situations that involve an amount of uncertainty:

  1. When you are attempting something risky.
  2. When the outcome of an action is uncertain.
  3. If failure would be interesting.
  4. If it would be just plain fun to roll dice.

When any of the above happens, first clearly state what you hope to accomplish, and also agree on what the consequence of failure is. That way you can choose not to accept the risk and try a different approach.

If you decide to accept the risk of failure, then roll two six-sided dice (this is called rolling 2d6!) and add the results together. And also add a STAT MODIFIER based on whether the situation calls for HORNS, MAJESTY, or WALLOW.

TOTAL OUTCOME
2-6 SUFFER
7-9 SETBACK
10+ SUCCEED

Example: Muddy Cade Gray Gil wants to avoid some violence by intimidating a dairy farmer. Depending on their actual approach I think this could be a +HORNS or a +MAJESTY roll: based on how the player describes what their carabao is doing, the intimidation could be a display of physical might or a display of terrible beauty. But the player convincingly advocates for +HORNS, so they roll a 6 and a 3, and add +2 HORNS for 11. Success! If they hadn’t been able to add their HORNS bonus they would have rolled a mere 9: a SETBACK.

You must interpret the actual outcome of the roll on your own. Here are some guidelines to help you do it:

SUFFER:
You probably do not achieve the thing you are attempting. Or maybe you do, but something really bad happens as a result.
SETBACK:
You achieve the thing you are attempting, but at cost. It’s a mixed success. You get what you want, but there is a complication.
SUCCEED:
You do the thing! Maybe something special happens and things even get better!

Example: Let’s pretend Muddy Cade Gray Gil actually rolled a 9 to intimidate the dairy farmer. That’s a SETBACK. The farmer does not escalate to violence. But in their fright, they accidentally knock over a lantern and start a fire! Oh no! Now you have two problems!

Something interesting always happens when you roll doubles.

DOUBLES
There is something you overlooked. A surprise. Somebody unexpected appears. Something is amiss. A new mystery appears. Something totally changes the current situation.
BOXCARS
Rolling 6-6 is extra good. A little too good. Awfully, terribly, painfully good. You get to fly a little too close to the sun.
SNAKE-EYES
Rolling 1-1 is extra bad. Like, really really bad. Like, oh-my-gosh, gee-willikers, jeepers-creepers bad.

GETTING STARTED

You are a majestic swamp water buffalo being forced to participate in the carabao races. There is a man behind you in a small two-wheeled chariot flogging you with a whip, urging you forward down a muddy track. Two buffalo trail behind you, one is ahead. You are flanked on either side by cheering fans who cry and shout. Beyond them to your left, the town where perhaps your revenge lies. Beyond them and to your right, the swampy wetlands where your people wallow peacefully in mudholes.

WHAT DO YOU DO?

AFTERWORD

Here are some things I was thinking about when I was writing this game.

Carabao_Racing.jpg

This whole game happened just because I was enamoured and enraptured by this amazing picture. And then me and my friends subsequently played a spontaneous game of Carabao on IRC.

https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Nueva_Ecija_-Carabao_Racing.jpg

In the original game, several people played a single carabao. It speared its rider with its horns, leapt majestically over the heads of the nearby bystanders, reduced a local butcher shop to smoldering rubble, and then convinced its rider to join it in its quest for vengeance and freedom. What a wild ride!

The Book of the Dun Cow

One time I was working as a barrista at a coffee shop, and one of my coworkers said she was reading this book to her kid and she really liked it. I was curious so I picked it up at the public library and was absolutely captivated by it. It is dark and mysterious and magical and like a really fun fairy tale. It was apparently the 1978 New York Times Best Childrens Book of the Year. Which is wild to me because it’s kind of fantastical and kind of dark. I guess maybe maybe the Young Adult designation didn’t exist back then?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Book_of_the_Dun_Cow_(novel)